Majority of people are constantly cheating not with one or two people but with a hell lot of them of them. Cheating is no longer a preserve of men, women are doing a better job in this field with high levels of distinction. Unlike men, women are more generous when it comes to cheating and usually do not mind their cheating partners cheating on them too. Conversely, men are very jealous and controlling hence do not allow their partners in cheating to have anybody else on the side. Do you cheat?
Cheating comes in many forms but the common ones are either physical or emotional. Physical cheating involves getting physical with ‘another person’ other than your spouse or regular mate while emotional cheating involves intimacy or any form of ‘sexual’ satisfaction or gratification which one achieves by involving oneself with another person either through close-talking, good company, phone calls, or mental indulgence. Experts claim that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating because it draws the cheater completely away his/her spouse. The cheater tends to find ways and means of indulging with their cheating partner to the extend where the spouse if ‘forgotten’.
Cheating, of whichever nature, erodes respect, value, importance, sacrifice and significance that the main relationship holds hence slowly kills it. A relationship can only succeed by maintain close communication and respect for each other and regularly sacrificing for each other. No one, male or female appreciates being designated to position two or lower in the hierarchy of importance in the relationship. Each one desires to be the only thing that their spouses consider most significant to the extent of sacrificing everything else for them. A woman will wish that whenever she calls on her man, he should stop all he is doing and rush to their side; the same is expected of them by their men. When one party in a relationship is sidelined and seen as unimportant, he withdraws or begins to look around for the missing ‘thing’ which most times takes him/her to the arms of someone else. Why do people cheat?
Many writers have come up with long lists of the reasons why people cheat. Though not disputing them, I believe people cheat for four main reasons:
1. Fear of rejection
Many people are neither strong enough to defend what they believe nor courageous enough to voice their desires. While in school, some students always found it hard to make friends. When someone approached them for anything, they would gladly oblige regardless of the efforts, costs or inconveniences with the view of winning at least one friend. This trend continues later in life where even after getting into a relationship or marriage, one cannot stand on their own and express their position. When approached by a person of the opposite sex, the party may find it difficult to say no lest they be despised. This makes them ‘cheap’ since they constantly say yes to everyone with sheer disregard to their spouses.
These types of cheaters can only change their bad habits by gaining courage and standing their ground on whatever principles they setup for themselves. They should be ready to let go what does not help them and focus on building their relationship. When a cheater is busted, the aggrieved party may choose to forgive or break-up. Cheaters of this category may have perpetually failing relationship since they are perceived to lack principles.
2. In search for approval
People in unsatisfying relationship usually venture out to seek approval. A woman whose man rarely complements her may seek other men to get their approval. On a boarding seminar, a lady participant was judged by her fellows as being too social. Many applauded her for getting along well with all participants but before the seminar was over, it was discovered that the lady had slept with more than half of the men in the seminar. It was also surprising that she never slept with any one of them more than once. Probed further, many men said she was lousy in bed and none felt the desire to check her out again. As such, it can be claimed the lady did nothing to spice her sex life hence constantly sought other men who would approve her. Surprisingly, she gets no approval but dejection from all she gives in to; if she would think of spicing herself up, she would change her relationship and get approval from her man.
Other people cheat in endeavor to get benefits which they would otherwise not get in their relationships. A good life is what many look for. A woman with a poor husband will seek other men who are better off; a husband with a small job may seek out women lower in the class to prove to himself that he is still desirable. When searching for jobs or in efforts to maintain them, sexual favors may be sought and the liaison may continue long after the initial contact. This may also be a case of fear for rejection.
People living in abusive relationships may seek extra-marital gratification to escape the realities in their life. When faced with problems at home (relationships) many people tend to open up to outsider who give them a shoulder to cry on. Along the way, this may turn to something different, they may indulge more. Cases have been hard of men and women who share their family woos with colleagues and friends and the same later turn to be their comforters offering them the much needed peace. The closest you can make a person feel is giving oneself hence they indulge and form a bond stronger than what the marriage is offering. With this bond, however bad the marriage turns, the cheater will not mind because she knows she has a way out of it.
Cheating is bad vice which should be avoided at all costs. Try to improve the levels of communication between the two of you and repair any cracks that emerge because if you are caught up by the cheating vice, it’s hard to stop: once a cheater, always one.
Your partner should be your confidant and your biggest asset. If there has to be sacrifices made, they should always be to the benefit of your spouse, you should always defend your spouse in any situation and if correction is required, do it at the confines of your privacy. Your spouse is your number one priority, if you make them feel significant, you will have achieved a quality relationship.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Hooked But Searching; The Modern Day Lifestyle
There is a common saying, ‘single and searching’, which now seems to quickly be overtaken by times. Majority of men and women are in relationships, some married, others engaged and many others dating but even these relationships do not seem to deter them from dating outside or searching more, may they be men or women.
Surprisingly, many people before entering relationships vow to themselves that when the chance comes to belong somewhere, they will stick like glue and have their eyes only on their significant others. The situation however quickly changes when single land in a relationship. The first few days of the relationship are bliss-filled and both cannot leave each other’s side. They find them exciting, interesting, funny and nice company. They are also free to do any and everything with them until the passion starts waning. For the passion to wane, the relationship does not need to last couple of years, a few months is all it takes.
The couple still keeps together but their interests start spreading as they diversify. Deep down them, they have mental security that they are in a relationship and all they are looking for is a side-kick; that if the side-kick does not yield there is no harm since their main relationship still exists. Psychologists say that it is easier for someone in a relationship to get hooked than someone not in one. This is made possible by the hormone oxytocin which is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people. This oxytocin is released in response to intense emotional states in addition to physical cues hence the more time you take with people – frequent dating – the cues develop and attraction emanates. Also, people in relationships exhibit high levels of confidence in their personality which makes them more attractive. Hence in a pack of ladies, those in stable relationships will be easily approached as opposed to those single. The single ones subconsciously exhibit characteristics portraying them as rebellious, repellant, boring, or shy which make them less interesting or exciting. But once these singles hook-up, they never relent to make up for the lost time. They will indiscriminately date anyone who comes their way in a bid to prove to themselves that they are as good as anyone.
Do serial daters ever consider their partner’s feelings? Joelene had been single for most of her active life. In school, she could not understand why all her friends at school were receiving letters from boys and others dating yet no one showed interest in her. After school she briefed hooked with someone but did not last long. Ever since, she was involved in quick successive relationship which did not add value to her. Surprisingly, all the guys she dated did not march up, may be because she just took what came her way, needless to say, very little came any-way. During her higher training, the same trend continued and she didn’t understand why she repelled all men even when she made the move herself. When she eventually landed a meaningful relationship, she devoted her all and others started creating interest in her, oxytocin was being produced. To make up for lost time, she never let chances slip-by her. Her relationship was constantly strained and was always on the meant line. Immediately things were sorted out, she would go back to her ways of flirting and dating. Is this a phenomenon that can change anytime soon?
Men are not any better. Justine was a humble man. To say he feared ladies would be an understatement; he never dated nor imbibed. Many years after leaving college, somehow he landed himself a wife. The wife prided herself as the luckiest to get such a naïve man but little did she know that it’s a very big mistake to take a villager to the city. Soon Justine gained courage, brushed away his shyness and became the ladies favorite. He would go out with any lady who showed interest and it wasn’t just one, numerous. He spent and dined with them to the extent his wife and kids could barely remember the last time they had dinner together. Today, with three kids and responsibilities to take care of, Justine’s wife cannot understand why her husband cannot realize that she is getting hurt. She wonders, does she have to cheat on her man to bring him home?
Why are many people not willing to safeguard their relationships by respecting their significant others? Is it so difficult to say no to advances from someone for the sake of the person you are with? Isn’t more humane to release your spouse from the relationship so that you can adventure freely?
Though difficult to adopt, I would advice all people with very hot blood not to commit themselves to others but alternatively just live as serial daters or players. It would save many hearts if they knew that the people they are with are not there to stay but just for a season and a reason, a short liaison – a no strings things.
Every day in our local FM Radio stations, we hear people boasting on how well they can cheat without getting caught. This is just a believe which in the same stations is proved wrong since their spouses also tell how they discovered and countered the same by doing a similar or better game. With the changing trends and desire for quick fun and excitement while still maintaining our relationships for security, people are looking yonder and picking fruits from gardens tendered by others. Consciousness and reality can only be drawn by examining our senses and self-conscious and fitting ourselves in the shoes of our partners. Imagine it was you on the receiving end of the game? Wake up, open your eyes; when the side-kick is over and done with, your assumedly secure relationship may be no more and you will be forced to go back to the drawing board which may not be an easy task.
But then are cheaters born or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both and here’s why.
1. Bored: This is the most common reason why people cheat. It's tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Relationship’s like a development cycle and after a grand start, reality later checks in. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.
2. Dependence: At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. But arguably, cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.
3. Confusion: Sometimes a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes hence may find yourself in another person’s arms.
4. Because They Let You: Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.
5. Nurturing: If someone is mistreating you, the first instinct is to get away. But it may not be that simple hence you feel trapped in a bad relationship, you will then run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.
6. Revenge: An eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you.
7. Confirmation of Attractiveness: Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.
8. The Thrill: Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.
9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might: Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks xyz is when you're "together," and you think abc is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.
I don't understand why people don't break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat. Is it natural to have temptation, or is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire? If you've ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater? The list is endless…..
Surprisingly, many people before entering relationships vow to themselves that when the chance comes to belong somewhere, they will stick like glue and have their eyes only on their significant others. The situation however quickly changes when single land in a relationship. The first few days of the relationship are bliss-filled and both cannot leave each other’s side. They find them exciting, interesting, funny and nice company. They are also free to do any and everything with them until the passion starts waning. For the passion to wane, the relationship does not need to last couple of years, a few months is all it takes.
The couple still keeps together but their interests start spreading as they diversify. Deep down them, they have mental security that they are in a relationship and all they are looking for is a side-kick; that if the side-kick does not yield there is no harm since their main relationship still exists. Psychologists say that it is easier for someone in a relationship to get hooked than someone not in one. This is made possible by the hormone oxytocin which is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people. This oxytocin is released in response to intense emotional states in addition to physical cues hence the more time you take with people – frequent dating – the cues develop and attraction emanates. Also, people in relationships exhibit high levels of confidence in their personality which makes them more attractive. Hence in a pack of ladies, those in stable relationships will be easily approached as opposed to those single. The single ones subconsciously exhibit characteristics portraying them as rebellious, repellant, boring, or shy which make them less interesting or exciting. But once these singles hook-up, they never relent to make up for the lost time. They will indiscriminately date anyone who comes their way in a bid to prove to themselves that they are as good as anyone.
Do serial daters ever consider their partner’s feelings? Joelene had been single for most of her active life. In school, she could not understand why all her friends at school were receiving letters from boys and others dating yet no one showed interest in her. After school she briefed hooked with someone but did not last long. Ever since, she was involved in quick successive relationship which did not add value to her. Surprisingly, all the guys she dated did not march up, may be because she just took what came her way, needless to say, very little came any-way. During her higher training, the same trend continued and she didn’t understand why she repelled all men even when she made the move herself. When she eventually landed a meaningful relationship, she devoted her all and others started creating interest in her, oxytocin was being produced. To make up for lost time, she never let chances slip-by her. Her relationship was constantly strained and was always on the meant line. Immediately things were sorted out, she would go back to her ways of flirting and dating. Is this a phenomenon that can change anytime soon?
Men are not any better. Justine was a humble man. To say he feared ladies would be an understatement; he never dated nor imbibed. Many years after leaving college, somehow he landed himself a wife. The wife prided herself as the luckiest to get such a naïve man but little did she know that it’s a very big mistake to take a villager to the city. Soon Justine gained courage, brushed away his shyness and became the ladies favorite. He would go out with any lady who showed interest and it wasn’t just one, numerous. He spent and dined with them to the extent his wife and kids could barely remember the last time they had dinner together. Today, with three kids and responsibilities to take care of, Justine’s wife cannot understand why her husband cannot realize that she is getting hurt. She wonders, does she have to cheat on her man to bring him home?
Why are many people not willing to safeguard their relationships by respecting their significant others? Is it so difficult to say no to advances from someone for the sake of the person you are with? Isn’t more humane to release your spouse from the relationship so that you can adventure freely?
Though difficult to adopt, I would advice all people with very hot blood not to commit themselves to others but alternatively just live as serial daters or players. It would save many hearts if they knew that the people they are with are not there to stay but just for a season and a reason, a short liaison – a no strings things.
Every day in our local FM Radio stations, we hear people boasting on how well they can cheat without getting caught. This is just a believe which in the same stations is proved wrong since their spouses also tell how they discovered and countered the same by doing a similar or better game. With the changing trends and desire for quick fun and excitement while still maintaining our relationships for security, people are looking yonder and picking fruits from gardens tendered by others. Consciousness and reality can only be drawn by examining our senses and self-conscious and fitting ourselves in the shoes of our partners. Imagine it was you on the receiving end of the game? Wake up, open your eyes; when the side-kick is over and done with, your assumedly secure relationship may be no more and you will be forced to go back to the drawing board which may not be an easy task.
But then are cheaters born or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both and here’s why.
1. Bored: This is the most common reason why people cheat. It's tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Relationship’s like a development cycle and after a grand start, reality later checks in. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.
2. Dependence: At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. But arguably, cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.
3. Confusion: Sometimes a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes hence may find yourself in another person’s arms.
4. Because They Let You: Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.
5. Nurturing: If someone is mistreating you, the first instinct is to get away. But it may not be that simple hence you feel trapped in a bad relationship, you will then run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.
6. Revenge: An eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you.
7. Confirmation of Attractiveness: Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.
8. The Thrill: Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.
9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might: Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks xyz is when you're "together," and you think abc is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.
I don't understand why people don't break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat. Is it natural to have temptation, or is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire? If you've ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater? The list is endless…..
The Dream Job
The current system of education in many countries is geared towards academic excellence as opposed to preparing learners for self-employment, entrepreneurship or the job market. Majority of learners leave their academic facilities; may they be schools, colleges or universities, without the slightest hint of what to do with their knowledge. Almost all of them know that they are expected to get a job somehow sometime somewhere but the modality of securing that first job is a mystery to many.
In class, many teachers or lecturers engage their students in parrot-style learning; feeding them with notes and materials that they are expected to reproduce during examination time. The more the notes, the busier the student. Theory is the common practice with ‘practicals’ a long forgotten story unless it is unavoidable. But does this really help the students?
Gone are the days when industrial attachment was mandatory before one could qualify in their field of study, nowadays, those who attend do it as a formality but not to gain the much needed skills necessary for the job market. Picture a college class of over fifty students who have to source for industrial placement for themselves. Many of them are very green in public relations. Telling them to source for attachment is similar to telling them to go job searching. This is why many of them land in firms and organizations that do not add value to them simply because they have to get attached somewhere for them to qualify for graduation.
Do you wonder why we have so many jobless young people? They are not prepared for life after school. They are let loose like weaned birds to vent for themselves but, unlike birds, they need guidelines and control in these tumultuous waters of the job market, guidance is not offered. Majority of school leavers land jobs by chance and not qualifications. It is very common to find people doing jobs completely out of line with their profession. The trend is, leave school and get a job. The job specification for most is ‘doable’, as long as the job is doable, count them in; they will learn the rest on the job.
To prepare learners for better days in job search, there is a lot to learn and practice. Students need to be helped through motivational and guide books and informative websites. This will guide them through sourcing for and securing that that much needed work. Unfortunately, not many writers consider this niche. Now I have a vision, a vision to help these people. Be on the look out.
In class, many teachers or lecturers engage their students in parrot-style learning; feeding them with notes and materials that they are expected to reproduce during examination time. The more the notes, the busier the student. Theory is the common practice with ‘practicals’ a long forgotten story unless it is unavoidable. But does this really help the students?
Gone are the days when industrial attachment was mandatory before one could qualify in their field of study, nowadays, those who attend do it as a formality but not to gain the much needed skills necessary for the job market. Picture a college class of over fifty students who have to source for industrial placement for themselves. Many of them are very green in public relations. Telling them to source for attachment is similar to telling them to go job searching. This is why many of them land in firms and organizations that do not add value to them simply because they have to get attached somewhere for them to qualify for graduation.
Do you wonder why we have so many jobless young people? They are not prepared for life after school. They are let loose like weaned birds to vent for themselves but, unlike birds, they need guidelines and control in these tumultuous waters of the job market, guidance is not offered. Majority of school leavers land jobs by chance and not qualifications. It is very common to find people doing jobs completely out of line with their profession. The trend is, leave school and get a job. The job specification for most is ‘doable’, as long as the job is doable, count them in; they will learn the rest on the job.
To prepare learners for better days in job search, there is a lot to learn and practice. Students need to be helped through motivational and guide books and informative websites. This will guide them through sourcing for and securing that that much needed work. Unfortunately, not many writers consider this niche. Now I have a vision, a vision to help these people. Be on the look out.
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