He has been my friend. We once shared an office and did various field assignments together. It is Mutiga am talking about.
All through the three years we shared as colleagues, he never spotted a girlfriend. He talked good about them and wallowed in their morphology but never attempted to form an association. When a friend of ours posted his details and photo (profile) on facebook and a singles’ column, he was livid, and spent several days without talking to him until he got a call from a lass who had read the profile. Although this damsel talked nicely and kept him involved, she did not give out her number.
On the first call, he was very non-committal but two days later, he yearned for more of it but it seemed two calls were enough. She stopped calling. Mutiga got obsessed. And as if a certain tap had been opened, he started checking out ladies. He could be seen going for lunch, which was not common of him, with female workmates. Before long, he was talking about ladies he would want to see and a few months later, one unlucky gal had ‘got into the box’.
To ensure his success, his male colleagues took him to a bar and paid call-girls to seduce and entertain him. Surprising, he send them away.
When the office was restructured unceremoniously, he was send to an outstation where he would never enjoy the lure of the city girls again. Wonder of wonders, he got himself a girl. This girl called Bentar can from across the divide of the country where he would travel miles and cross cities to be with her. Although she controlled how they communicated and met, he never sensed a thing.
The rules were laid; that as the man, it was his responsibility to call; travel to see her at her convenience; be available on call and foot all miscellaneous expenses – which were several. He advised her they buy low tariff calling lines which reduced the calling budget but he could not see her when he needed her.
Three months of dating were characterized by daily calls from him and never once from her, even when he failed to call. On the fourth month, she asked him for an extra-ordinary date. He was amused. The amusement was not last long.
Before they could talk for long, she told him that her interest in him had ended and that she wanted him to be happy. That she was getting bored talking to him and she could not see a future in them. She was also courageous enough to ask him, ‘what lessons have you learnt in our fourth month relationship?’
Heavy hearted, he talked amidst tea cups, they took plenty of them that day, trying to convince her to reconsider her decision. She would hear none of it and after severally asking her whether she was serious about her position, he swallowed the bitter pill and took leave.
Two, three weeks passed before he could confide in his friends. He told them how he knew very little about her and how she never opened up to him to an extend he knew none of her friend s or family although they were talking of settling down.
The time he called her for a meeting, she feigned not to know her. It is then he learnt she was taking him for a ride. He started learning about ladies and their ways and now he is becoming a master in their game. He has a chain of them, manipulating them like puppets and calling them ‘play items’.
When the player becomes the referee and the spectators start playing, the whole game changes and the rules have to be written afresh. His objectives have changed. He has vowed to become the best player and play with the best. To him, although too late in life, the future looks big. His only regret is that he started too late.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Is Virginity all About Presence of a Hymen?
Virginity is an old time belief passed from generation to generation among human beings, though the term is also applied to animals, birds and other inanimate things and objects. Though talked about generally by every person, only a few people reach the same definition or description of what virginity really is.
Questions arise as to the definition of virginity. Does virginity apply to all people, both men and women? Is there a sure way of telling one is a virgin? Can it be restored once lost? When should one lose it? Is virginity a case of not having penetrative sex? Some of these and many more other questions can be answered but others remain unanswered.
Virginity applies to both males and females of all species and other inanimate things and objects. It is common to hear people talk of virgin land; meaning land that has never been put into prior use, and other applications of the term virgin.
Though applied to men, it is pretty difficulty to proof their virginity. It can only be told from their lack of exposure which makes them inexperienced when it comes to acts of sex. Hence physically, one can not tell a virgin male from another.
It is commonly believed that the presence of hymen on the vaginal opening means that a lady is a virgin. By this description, then a lady can be judged a virgin once the hymen is confirmed. However, it has been proved that it is possible to engage in sex and still leave the hymen intact. This is possible where the hymen is very elastic and does not cover a large portion of the vulva hence sex can take place without rupturing the hymen.
Though not many, there are a few women who are born with poorly formed hymen or with the whole hymen lacking. In this case, although they not have engaged in penetrative sex, it will be hard to proof they are virgins.
There are also cases of women with very brittle hymen. When these women engage in strenuous exercises such as cycling, climbing and others, the hymen gets torn hence making them lose their ‘virginity’.
Civilization and modern has made it possible to get anything literally including restoring virginity. Women who are very amorous engage in indiscriminate sex but when the time comes to proof their virginity, especially when married in those set-ups that require a lady to be a virgin before getting married, they secure hymen replacement surgery which makes them intact again. Although this is possible, it is very costly.
In many societies, virginity is believed to be the lack of know how on sex. For one to qualify for the title, whether a man or woman, they should be ignorant of sex. These same societies do not look at the different ways through which a lady or man can enjoy sexual fulfillment.
There are those who, due to the personal reasons, shun penetrative sex but engage in other forms of sexual fulfillment, alone or in the company of the opposite sex. For the case of the lady, this leaves the hymen intact.
A good description of virginity should take into account all aspects of sexual enjoyment. I strongly believe that a person who has masturbated, had fellatio who in any way had their private parts touched or touched those of someone else should not be termed a virgin even if the touch did not lead to either of them orgasming.
Virginity is discriminative on that only women can account for its physical presence. Many communities allow men to wander around with women but these same women should be virgins on marriage even when being married by the same men.
If virginity can be described as ignorance to sex or the innocence of any individual, any one who watches blue movies, engages in ‘dirty’ talk or dance, or lusts should not be termed as a virgin. Let us not take it that its only our women who should be virgins or who should wait till marriage or that the lack of hymen means lack of virginity. Virginity is not only the presence of virginity, there is more to it.
To be sure whether one is a virgin or not, consider the following pointers.
• Should virginity only apply girls?
• Is virginity how one views themselves or how the society views it?
• Does rape or molestation erode virginity?
• Is actual penetration the only way to lose virginity
• Are you still a virgin if you engage, willingly, in other intimate acts?
• When do homosexual or bisexuals lose their virginity?
• Is virginity an issue of believe or feelings or both?
• Do emotions count in losing virginity? i.e. if you felt good or not.
A person should try their level best to maintain their virginity until such a time when they feel very ready and when they also feel that the person they are with is the best in their life and that they won’t regret the action later in life. In case of a lady, penetrative sex should be delayed as much as possible, may be until they are ready to marry or into the marriage.
Abstinence is the surety way to avoid regrets in life. Regrets brought about by break-ups, betrayal or diseases that come from engaging in sexual contact. No one ever died from lack of sex or sexual fulfillment.
Questions arise as to the definition of virginity. Does virginity apply to all people, both men and women? Is there a sure way of telling one is a virgin? Can it be restored once lost? When should one lose it? Is virginity a case of not having penetrative sex? Some of these and many more other questions can be answered but others remain unanswered.
Virginity applies to both males and females of all species and other inanimate things and objects. It is common to hear people talk of virgin land; meaning land that has never been put into prior use, and other applications of the term virgin.
Though applied to men, it is pretty difficulty to proof their virginity. It can only be told from their lack of exposure which makes them inexperienced when it comes to acts of sex. Hence physically, one can not tell a virgin male from another.
It is commonly believed that the presence of hymen on the vaginal opening means that a lady is a virgin. By this description, then a lady can be judged a virgin once the hymen is confirmed. However, it has been proved that it is possible to engage in sex and still leave the hymen intact. This is possible where the hymen is very elastic and does not cover a large portion of the vulva hence sex can take place without rupturing the hymen.
Though not many, there are a few women who are born with poorly formed hymen or with the whole hymen lacking. In this case, although they not have engaged in penetrative sex, it will be hard to proof they are virgins.
There are also cases of women with very brittle hymen. When these women engage in strenuous exercises such as cycling, climbing and others, the hymen gets torn hence making them lose their ‘virginity’.
Civilization and modern has made it possible to get anything literally including restoring virginity. Women who are very amorous engage in indiscriminate sex but when the time comes to proof their virginity, especially when married in those set-ups that require a lady to be a virgin before getting married, they secure hymen replacement surgery which makes them intact again. Although this is possible, it is very costly.
In many societies, virginity is believed to be the lack of know how on sex. For one to qualify for the title, whether a man or woman, they should be ignorant of sex. These same societies do not look at the different ways through which a lady or man can enjoy sexual fulfillment.
There are those who, due to the personal reasons, shun penetrative sex but engage in other forms of sexual fulfillment, alone or in the company of the opposite sex. For the case of the lady, this leaves the hymen intact.
A good description of virginity should take into account all aspects of sexual enjoyment. I strongly believe that a person who has masturbated, had fellatio who in any way had their private parts touched or touched those of someone else should not be termed a virgin even if the touch did not lead to either of them orgasming.
Virginity is discriminative on that only women can account for its physical presence. Many communities allow men to wander around with women but these same women should be virgins on marriage even when being married by the same men.
If virginity can be described as ignorance to sex or the innocence of any individual, any one who watches blue movies, engages in ‘dirty’ talk or dance, or lusts should not be termed as a virgin. Let us not take it that its only our women who should be virgins or who should wait till marriage or that the lack of hymen means lack of virginity. Virginity is not only the presence of virginity, there is more to it.
To be sure whether one is a virgin or not, consider the following pointers.
• Should virginity only apply girls?
• Is virginity how one views themselves or how the society views it?
• Does rape or molestation erode virginity?
• Is actual penetration the only way to lose virginity
• Are you still a virgin if you engage, willingly, in other intimate acts?
• When do homosexual or bisexuals lose their virginity?
• Is virginity an issue of believe or feelings or both?
• Do emotions count in losing virginity? i.e. if you felt good or not.
A person should try their level best to maintain their virginity until such a time when they feel very ready and when they also feel that the person they are with is the best in their life and that they won’t regret the action later in life. In case of a lady, penetrative sex should be delayed as much as possible, may be until they are ready to marry or into the marriage.
Abstinence is the surety way to avoid regrets in life. Regrets brought about by break-ups, betrayal or diseases that come from engaging in sexual contact. No one ever died from lack of sex or sexual fulfillment.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A Wedding of its Kind
All people had arrived early. It was the day that Joanita and Wairo had chosen for their nuptials and many people had turned up to witness the two lovebirds say, ‘I do!’ Unlike other days, the front seats in the church had filled first and before ten o’clock, there was none empty. Outside the church were erected a number of tents which soon filled too, and many people had to suit themselves standing under trees.
Weather
The weather was fine. The morning sky was clear with the sun not so bright and the trees swaying to the breeze. Due to rains that had been experienced a few days earlier, it was not dusty.
Precisely at eleven o’clock, the bridegroom and his entourage streamed into the church compound in procession of not less than ten cars. Heads turned and ululations filled the air as the party was ushered into the church to take up their places while the groom and his best men stood outside waiting for ‘the lady’. The bride was expected to be late, as it always happens here, but the duration of the wait could not be established.
Apprehension
Different stories are always told of brides who have stood up their men at this late hour and trepidation always fills the groom’s side until the queen of the occasion arrives. The best man could be seen making numerous calls from his mobile phone, which from a distance, one could conclude he was not reaching however he intended.
Before anxiety could set in, the bride’s motorcade arrived. The impeccably dressed bride and her maids stepped out of their cars. Slowly, they were led to join the groom and his best men for procession into the church. The occasion had formerly started.
Neither the joy nor the infectious smile on the groom’s face could be hidden contrary to what the bride exhibited. She looked somber and it was hard to explain the sobriety. Was she anxious leaving her home and people to belong elsewhere? Was she afraid of the responsibilities that lay ahead? Was she afraid that something could go wrong, or was she just afraid she had not made the right decision? No one could tell for sure.
I Do
The priest soon converted two people into one. While Wairo was the first to say, “I do”, Joanita’s “I do” instigated shrieks of joy and thumbing of anything one could reach. The church and its compound were filled with deafening sounds for almost five minutes. They were shortly pronounced husband and wife and after signing the necessary papers, they started marching out, an indication the wedding was over.
Reception
The next stage was eagerly awaited by many, the reception. Staged at the church’s hall, different foods, fruits and drinks were in plenty supply. After a short photo session at the most exciting parts of the church, which are plenty, the dignitaries of the occasion filed into the hall. Food was served. Due to the large number of people, they had to queue for self-service expect those on the high table. Those who did not secure seats ate standing or seated on many of the well mowed church lawns.
By five o’clock, the occasion had come to close and guests were leaving at will. An invitation for an evening party in honour of the newlyweds had been given for those interested. At the main gate, the freelance photographs displayed for sale photos they had taken during the occasion. Although the prices were high, those appearing in them were more than willing to acquire them.
Before long, darkness started setting in as orderlies packed gifts and other stuff to be taken to the new family. Many people could be heard exclaiming at the magnanimity of the occasion. Though many had been held before at this church, this wedding was by far the best witnessed. Joanita and Woira surely made it.
Weather
The weather was fine. The morning sky was clear with the sun not so bright and the trees swaying to the breeze. Due to rains that had been experienced a few days earlier, it was not dusty.
Precisely at eleven o’clock, the bridegroom and his entourage streamed into the church compound in procession of not less than ten cars. Heads turned and ululations filled the air as the party was ushered into the church to take up their places while the groom and his best men stood outside waiting for ‘the lady’. The bride was expected to be late, as it always happens here, but the duration of the wait could not be established.
Apprehension
Different stories are always told of brides who have stood up their men at this late hour and trepidation always fills the groom’s side until the queen of the occasion arrives. The best man could be seen making numerous calls from his mobile phone, which from a distance, one could conclude he was not reaching however he intended.
Before anxiety could set in, the bride’s motorcade arrived. The impeccably dressed bride and her maids stepped out of their cars. Slowly, they were led to join the groom and his best men for procession into the church. The occasion had formerly started.
Neither the joy nor the infectious smile on the groom’s face could be hidden contrary to what the bride exhibited. She looked somber and it was hard to explain the sobriety. Was she anxious leaving her home and people to belong elsewhere? Was she afraid of the responsibilities that lay ahead? Was she afraid that something could go wrong, or was she just afraid she had not made the right decision? No one could tell for sure.
I Do
The priest soon converted two people into one. While Wairo was the first to say, “I do”, Joanita’s “I do” instigated shrieks of joy and thumbing of anything one could reach. The church and its compound were filled with deafening sounds for almost five minutes. They were shortly pronounced husband and wife and after signing the necessary papers, they started marching out, an indication the wedding was over.
Reception
The next stage was eagerly awaited by many, the reception. Staged at the church’s hall, different foods, fruits and drinks were in plenty supply. After a short photo session at the most exciting parts of the church, which are plenty, the dignitaries of the occasion filed into the hall. Food was served. Due to the large number of people, they had to queue for self-service expect those on the high table. Those who did not secure seats ate standing or seated on many of the well mowed church lawns.
By five o’clock, the occasion had come to close and guests were leaving at will. An invitation for an evening party in honour of the newlyweds had been given for those interested. At the main gate, the freelance photographs displayed for sale photos they had taken during the occasion. Although the prices were high, those appearing in them were more than willing to acquire them.
Before long, darkness started setting in as orderlies packed gifts and other stuff to be taken to the new family. Many people could be heard exclaiming at the magnanimity of the occasion. Though many had been held before at this church, this wedding was by far the best witnessed. Joanita and Woira surely made it.
Nurturing a Relationship
Many a people would find it a bit too much of a push if asked to explain how their relationships started. A few would give details of how they think it happened, but surprisingly, none would give a full account without the input of their partners.
This situation may arise due but not necessarily diverse objectives and goals at the start of the relationship. When people meet for the first time, and the subsequent times, they form an opinion about each other. Rarely, if ever it happens, do two people form similar opinions. On the initial meeting, one person may perceive the other party as a suitable party-partner or clubbing mate while that other partner perceives them as potential marriage mate.
While they all focus on different aspects and objectives, rarely do they discuss their feelings about each other together until it is too late. They begin discovering themselves when deep in the relationship, rifts start emerging and feelings for other people outside their union start developing.
Do people always unite due to love? The answer tot his one cannot be a clear yes or no. It may be either or both. To some people, love starts early in their relationship, others have to put in extra efforts to develop sizeable feelings.
Although, commonly argued that people in love have mutual feelings for each other, rarely do these feelings match up. One person, many times, gives more and receives less compared to their partner, who might be holding on to some feelings for someone else. In a relationship, some people struggle to love their partners while the partner loves then effortlessly. Bearing in mind what you mean for each other, it is wise to struggle all you can you make your partner feel loved and appreciate. Reciprocate most of what they do to you, assuming that you where getting into their shoes.
Do feelings of love last forever? At times, yes, but not always. There are times in a relationship when all is uphill. When every aspect of love requires huge efforts to accomplish, and when your partner does not look as interesting as before. These are the times when the fain-hearted loose their grip and start scavenging around for other bonds; bonds to fill the empty space they feel within. The effect here is a weaker relationship which many times die. Some unique thing may be working very well for you, but whichever way you look at it, you should never try to work down what is working well for both of you. As you look to explore other areas of your relationship, ensure what you are used to is well taken care of and achieved, this will help you in scaling new heights.
Your lover should be your greatest friend, the friend you share with every aspect of life and the one you always hold dear. It can never be perfect but avoid unearthing the ugliness of your affair. In as much as your weaknesses are known to you, try to work on them quietly without causing a big strive of them. The more you negatively portray your weaknesses, the less likely it is you will work them out. This may be a key to the end. Like what you are doing if it is not causing harm. As it is commonly said, ‘what is working does not need to be fixed’. Carefully beware of what you venture into. What you do not know, be wary of discovering or unearthing it, it may be the devil.
This situation may arise due but not necessarily diverse objectives and goals at the start of the relationship. When people meet for the first time, and the subsequent times, they form an opinion about each other. Rarely, if ever it happens, do two people form similar opinions. On the initial meeting, one person may perceive the other party as a suitable party-partner or clubbing mate while that other partner perceives them as potential marriage mate.
While they all focus on different aspects and objectives, rarely do they discuss their feelings about each other together until it is too late. They begin discovering themselves when deep in the relationship, rifts start emerging and feelings for other people outside their union start developing.
Do people always unite due to love? The answer tot his one cannot be a clear yes or no. It may be either or both. To some people, love starts early in their relationship, others have to put in extra efforts to develop sizeable feelings.
Although, commonly argued that people in love have mutual feelings for each other, rarely do these feelings match up. One person, many times, gives more and receives less compared to their partner, who might be holding on to some feelings for someone else. In a relationship, some people struggle to love their partners while the partner loves then effortlessly. Bearing in mind what you mean for each other, it is wise to struggle all you can you make your partner feel loved and appreciate. Reciprocate most of what they do to you, assuming that you where getting into their shoes.
Do feelings of love last forever? At times, yes, but not always. There are times in a relationship when all is uphill. When every aspect of love requires huge efforts to accomplish, and when your partner does not look as interesting as before. These are the times when the fain-hearted loose their grip and start scavenging around for other bonds; bonds to fill the empty space they feel within. The effect here is a weaker relationship which many times die. Some unique thing may be working very well for you, but whichever way you look at it, you should never try to work down what is working well for both of you. As you look to explore other areas of your relationship, ensure what you are used to is well taken care of and achieved, this will help you in scaling new heights.
Your lover should be your greatest friend, the friend you share with every aspect of life and the one you always hold dear. It can never be perfect but avoid unearthing the ugliness of your affair. In as much as your weaknesses are known to you, try to work on them quietly without causing a big strive of them. The more you negatively portray your weaknesses, the less likely it is you will work them out. This may be a key to the end. Like what you are doing if it is not causing harm. As it is commonly said, ‘what is working does not need to be fixed’. Carefully beware of what you venture into. What you do not know, be wary of discovering or unearthing it, it may be the devil.
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