ICT in developing careers

Over time, I have realized that ICT is very critical for career growth and development. However, as time grows and the world keeps becoming a smaller digital village, more senior employees turn out to be nothing less than rookie in ICT.
Over the few years of my job career, I have worked with many senior employees and bosses who seems to understand nothing of ICT save for emailing. Even at times, this emailing becomes a challenge especially when the email service providers change their homepages.
But which is the way to go? Should all employees be flogged into getting back school and colleges to study ICT?
Many people are generally lazy to study new things, moreso when these new things are perceived to be difficult and without immediate financial gain. This is why many bosses are ICT dwarfs and force/bulldoze their juniors to do their ICT stuff for them, including replying/forwarding emails or updating their social websites! No wonder ICT guys are so knowledgeable of office matters - secretary are more and more getting relegated since their ICT skills are below par.
Are you properly informed on ICT matters? If not, get down on it and grow both your mind and career.

Why People Cheat

Majority of people are constantly cheating not with one or two people but with a hell lot of them of them. Cheating is no longer a preserve of men, women are doing a better job in this field with high levels of distinction. Unlike men, women are more generous when it comes to cheating and usually do not mind their cheating partners cheating on them too. Conversely, men are very jealous and controlling hence do not allow their partners in cheating to have anybody else on the side. Do you cheat?

Cheating comes in many forms but the common ones are either physical or emotional. Physical cheating involves getting physical with ‘another person’ other than your spouse or regular mate while emotional cheating involves intimacy or any form of ‘sexual’ satisfaction or gratification which one achieves by involving oneself with another person either through close-talking, good company, phone calls, or mental indulgence. Experts claim that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating because it draws the cheater completely away his/her spouse. The cheater tends to find ways and means of indulging with their cheating partner to the extend where the spouse if ‘forgotten’.

Cheating, of whichever nature, erodes respect, value, importance, sacrifice and significance that the main relationship holds hence slowly kills it. A relationship can only succeed by maintain close communication and respect for each other and regularly sacrificing for each other. No one, male or female appreciates being designated to position two or lower in the hierarchy of importance in the relationship. Each one desires to be the only thing that their spouses consider most significant to the extent of sacrificing everything else for them. A woman will wish that whenever she calls on her man, he should stop all he is doing and rush to their side; the same is expected of them by their men. When one party in a relationship is sidelined and seen as unimportant, he withdraws or begins to look around for the missing ‘thing’ which most times takes him/her to the arms of someone else. Why do people cheat?

Many writers have come up with long lists of the reasons why people cheat. Though not disputing them, I believe people cheat for four main reasons:

1. Fear of rejection
Many people are neither strong enough to defend what they believe nor courageous enough to voice their desires. While in school, some students always found it hard to make friends. When someone approached them for anything, they would gladly oblige regardless of the efforts, costs or inconveniences with the view of winning at least one friend. This trend continues later in life where even after getting into a relationship or marriage, one cannot stand on their own and express their position. When approached by a person of the opposite sex, the party may find it difficult to say no lest they be despised. This makes them ‘cheap’ since they constantly say yes to everyone with sheer disregard to their spouses.

These types of cheaters can only change their bad habits by gaining courage and standing their ground on whatever principles they setup for themselves. They should be ready to let go what does not help them and focus on building their relationship. When a cheater is busted, the aggrieved party may choose to forgive or break-up. Cheaters of this category may have perpetually failing relationship since they are perceived to lack principles.

2. In search for approval
People in unsatisfying relationship usually venture out to seek approval. A woman whose man rarely complements her may seek other men to get their approval. On a boarding seminar, a lady participant was judged by her fellows as being too social. Many applauded her for getting along well with all participants but before the seminar was over, it was discovered that the lady had slept with more than half of the men in the seminar. It was also surprising that she never slept with any one of them more than once. Probed further, many men said she was lousy in bed and none felt the desire to check her out again. As such, it can be claimed the lady did nothing to spice her sex life hence constantly sought other men who would approve her. Surprisingly, she gets no approval but dejection from all she gives in to; if she would think of spicing herself up, she would change her relationship and get approval from her man.

Other people cheat in endeavor to get benefits which they would otherwise not get in their relationships. A good life is what many look for. A woman with a poor husband will seek other men who are better off; a husband with a small job may seek out women lower in the class to prove to himself that he is still desirable. When searching for jobs or in efforts to maintain them, sexual favors may be sought and the liaison may continue long after the initial contact. This may also be a case of fear for rejection.

People living in abusive relationships may seek extra-marital gratification to escape the realities in their life. When faced with problems at home (relationships) many people tend to open up to outsider who give them a shoulder to cry on. Along the way, this may turn to something different, they may indulge more. Cases have been hard of men and women who share their family woos with colleagues and friends and the same later turn to be their comforters offering them the much needed peace. The closest you can make a person feel is giving oneself hence they indulge and form a bond stronger than what the marriage is offering. With this bond, however bad the marriage turns, the cheater will not mind because she knows she has a way out of it.

Cheating is bad vice which should be avoided at all costs. Try to improve the levels of communication between the two of you and repair any cracks that emerge because if you are caught up by the cheating vice, it’s hard to stop: once a cheater, always one.

Your partner should be your confidant and your biggest asset. If there has to be sacrifices made, they should always be to the benefit of your spouse, you should always defend your spouse in any situation and if correction is required, do it at the confines of your privacy. Your spouse is your number one priority, if you make them feel significant, you will have achieved a quality relationship.

Hooked But Searching; The Modern Day Lifestyle

There is a common saying, ‘single and searching’, which now seems to quickly be overtaken by times. Majority of men and women are in relationships, some married, others engaged and many others dating but even these relationships do not seem to deter them from dating outside or searching more, may they be men or women.

Surprisingly, many people before entering relationships vow to themselves that when the chance comes to belong somewhere, they will stick like glue and have their eyes only on their significant others. The situation however quickly changes when single land in a relationship. The first few days of the relationship are bliss-filled and both cannot leave each other’s side. They find them exciting, interesting, funny and nice company. They are also free to do any and everything with them until the passion starts waning. For the passion to wane, the relationship does not need to last couple of years, a few months is all it takes.

The couple still keeps together but their interests start spreading as they diversify. Deep down them, they have mental security that they are in a relationship and all they are looking for is a side-kick; that if the side-kick does not yield there is no harm since their main relationship still exists. Psychologists say that it is easier for someone in a relationship to get hooked than someone not in one. This is made possible by the hormone oxytocin which is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people. This oxytocin is released in response to intense emotional states in addition to physical cues hence the more time you take with people – frequent dating – the cues develop and attraction emanates. Also, people in relationships exhibit high levels of confidence in their personality which makes them more attractive. Hence in a pack of ladies, those in stable relationships will be easily approached as opposed to those single. The single ones subconsciously exhibit characteristics portraying them as rebellious, repellant, boring, or shy which make them less interesting or exciting. But once these singles hook-up, they never relent to make up for the lost time. They will indiscriminately date anyone who comes their way in a bid to prove to themselves that they are as good as anyone.

Do serial daters ever consider their partner’s feelings? Joelene had been single for most of her active life. In school, she could not understand why all her friends at school were receiving letters from boys and others dating yet no one showed interest in her. After school she briefed hooked with someone but did not last long. Ever since, she was involved in quick successive relationship which did not add value to her. Surprisingly, all the guys she dated did not march up, may be because she just took what came her way, needless to say, very little came any-way. During her higher training, the same trend continued and she didn’t understand why she repelled all men even when she made the move herself. When she eventually landed a meaningful relationship, she devoted her all and others started creating interest in her, oxytocin was being produced. To make up for lost time, she never let chances slip-by her. Her relationship was constantly strained and was always on the meant line. Immediately things were sorted out, she would go back to her ways of flirting and dating. Is this a phenomenon that can change anytime soon?

Men are not any better. Justine was a humble man. To say he feared ladies would be an understatement; he never dated nor imbibed. Many years after leaving college, somehow he landed himself a wife. The wife prided herself as the luckiest to get such a naïve man but little did she know that it’s a very big mistake to take a villager to the city. Soon Justine gained courage, brushed away his shyness and became the ladies favorite. He would go out with any lady who showed interest and it wasn’t just one, numerous. He spent and dined with them to the extent his wife and kids could barely remember the last time they had dinner together. Today, with three kids and responsibilities to take care of, Justine’s wife cannot understand why her husband cannot realize that she is getting hurt. She wonders, does she have to cheat on her man to bring him home?

Why are many people not willing to safeguard their relationships by respecting their significant others? Is it so difficult to say no to advances from someone for the sake of the person you are with? Isn’t more humane to release your spouse from the relationship so that you can adventure freely?

Though difficult to adopt, I would advice all people with very hot blood not to commit themselves to others but alternatively just live as serial daters or players. It would save many hearts if they knew that the people they are with are not there to stay but just for a season and a reason, a short liaison – a no strings things.

Every day in our local FM Radio stations, we hear people boasting on how well they can cheat without getting caught. This is just a believe which in the same stations is proved wrong since their spouses also tell how they discovered and countered the same by doing a similar or better game. With the changing trends and desire for quick fun and excitement while still maintaining our relationships for security, people are looking yonder and picking fruits from gardens tendered by others. Consciousness and reality can only be drawn by examining our senses and self-conscious and fitting ourselves in the shoes of our partners. Imagine it was you on the receiving end of the game? Wake up, open your eyes; when the side-kick is over and done with, your assumedly secure relationship may be no more and you will be forced to go back to the drawing board which may not be an easy task.

But then are cheaters born or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both and here’s why.

1. Bored: This is the most common reason why people cheat. It's tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Relationship’s like a development cycle and after a grand start, reality later checks in. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.

2. Dependence: At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. But arguably, cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.

3. Confusion: Sometimes a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes hence may find yourself in another person’s arms.

4. Because They Let You: Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.

5. Nurturing: If someone is mistreating you, the first instinct is to get away. But it may not be that simple hence you feel trapped in a bad relationship, you will then run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.

6. Revenge: An eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you.

7. Confirmation of Attractiveness: Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.

8. The Thrill: Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.

9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might: Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks xyz is when you're "together," and you think abc is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

I don't understand why people don't break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat. Is it natural to have temptation, or is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire? If you've ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater? The list is endless…..

The Dream Job

The current system of education in many countries is geared towards academic excellence as opposed to preparing learners for self-employment, entrepreneurship or the job market. Majority of learners leave their academic facilities; may they be schools, colleges or universities, without the slightest hint of what to do with their knowledge. Almost all of them know that they are expected to get a job somehow sometime somewhere but the modality of securing that first job is a mystery to many.

In class, many teachers or lecturers engage their students in parrot-style learning; feeding them with notes and materials that they are expected to reproduce during examination time. The more the notes, the busier the student. Theory is the common practice with ‘practicals’ a long forgotten story unless it is unavoidable. But does this really help the students?

Gone are the days when industrial attachment was mandatory before one could qualify in their field of study, nowadays, those who attend do it as a formality but not to gain the much needed skills necessary for the job market. Picture a college class of over fifty students who have to source for industrial placement for themselves. Many of them are very green in public relations. Telling them to source for attachment is similar to telling them to go job searching. This is why many of them land in firms and organizations that do not add value to them simply because they have to get attached somewhere for them to qualify for graduation.

Do you wonder why we have so many jobless young people? They are not prepared for life after school. They are let loose like weaned birds to vent for themselves but, unlike birds, they need guidelines and control in these tumultuous waters of the job market, guidance is not offered. Majority of school leavers land jobs by chance and not qualifications. It is very common to find people doing jobs completely out of line with their profession. The trend is, leave school and get a job. The job specification for most is ‘doable’, as long as the job is doable, count them in; they will learn the rest on the job.

To prepare learners for better days in job search, there is a lot to learn and practice. Students need to be helped through motivational and guide books and informative websites. This will guide them through sourcing for and securing that that much needed work. Unfortunately, not many writers consider this niche. Now I have a vision, a vision to help these people. Be on the look out.

Venturing into the Dating Scene

He has been my friend. We once shared an office and did various field assignments together. It is Mutiga am talking about.

All through the three years we shared as colleagues, he never spotted a girlfriend. He talked good about them and wallowed in their morphology but never attempted to form an association. When a friend of ours posted his details and photo (profile) on facebook and a singles’ column, he was livid, and spent several days without talking to him until he got a call from a lass who had read the profile. Although this damsel talked nicely and kept him involved, she did not give out her number.

On the first call, he was very non-committal but two days later, he yearned for more of it but it seemed two calls were enough. She stopped calling. Mutiga got obsessed. And as if a certain tap had been opened, he started checking out ladies. He could be seen going for lunch, which was not common of him, with female workmates. Before long, he was talking about ladies he would want to see and a few months later, one unlucky gal had ‘got into the box’.

To ensure his success, his male colleagues took him to a bar and paid call-girls to seduce and entertain him. Surprising, he send them away.

When the office was restructured unceremoniously, he was send to an outstation where he would never enjoy the lure of the city girls again. Wonder of wonders, he got himself a girl. This girl called Bentar can from across the divide of the country where he would travel miles and cross cities to be with her. Although she controlled how they communicated and met, he never sensed a thing.

The rules were laid; that as the man, it was his responsibility to call; travel to see her at her convenience; be available on call and foot all miscellaneous expenses – which were several. He advised her they buy low tariff calling lines which reduced the calling budget but he could not see her when he needed her.

Three months of dating were characterized by daily calls from him and never once from her, even when he failed to call. On the fourth month, she asked him for an extra-ordinary date. He was amused. The amusement was not last long.

Before they could talk for long, she told him that her interest in him had ended and that she wanted him to be happy. That she was getting bored talking to him and she could not see a future in them. She was also courageous enough to ask him, ‘what lessons have you learnt in our fourth month relationship?’

Heavy hearted, he talked amidst tea cups, they took plenty of them that day, trying to convince her to reconsider her decision. She would hear none of it and after severally asking her whether she was serious about her position, he swallowed the bitter pill and took leave.

Two, three weeks passed before he could confide in his friends. He told them how he knew very little about her and how she never opened up to him to an extend he knew none of her friend s or family although they were talking of settling down.
The time he called her for a meeting, she feigned not to know her. It is then he learnt she was taking him for a ride. He started learning about ladies and their ways and now he is becoming a master in their game. He has a chain of them, manipulating them like puppets and calling them ‘play items’.

When the player becomes the referee and the spectators start playing, the whole game changes and the rules have to be written afresh. His objectives have changed. He has vowed to become the best player and play with the best. To him, although too late in life, the future looks big. His only regret is that he started too late.

Is Virginity all About Presence of a Hymen?

Virginity is an old time belief passed from generation to generation among human beings, though the term is also applied to animals, birds and other inanimate things and objects. Though talked about generally by every person, only a few people reach the same definition or description of what virginity really is.

Questions arise as to the definition of virginity. Does virginity apply to all people, both men and women? Is there a sure way of telling one is a virgin? Can it be restored once lost? When should one lose it? Is virginity a case of not having penetrative sex? Some of these and many more other questions can be answered but others remain unanswered.

Virginity applies to both males and females of all species and other inanimate things and objects. It is common to hear people talk of virgin land; meaning land that has never been put into prior use, and other applications of the term virgin.

Though applied to men, it is pretty difficulty to proof their virginity. It can only be told from their lack of exposure which makes them inexperienced when it comes to acts of sex. Hence physically, one can not tell a virgin male from another.

It is commonly believed that the presence of hymen on the vaginal opening means that a lady is a virgin. By this description, then a lady can be judged a virgin once the hymen is confirmed. However, it has been proved that it is possible to engage in sex and still leave the hymen intact. This is possible where the hymen is very elastic and does not cover a large portion of the vulva hence sex can take place without rupturing the hymen.

Though not many, there are a few women who are born with poorly formed hymen or with the whole hymen lacking. In this case, although they not have engaged in penetrative sex, it will be hard to proof they are virgins.

There are also cases of women with very brittle hymen. When these women engage in strenuous exercises such as cycling, climbing and others, the hymen gets torn hence making them lose their ‘virginity’.

Civilization and modern has made it possible to get anything literally including restoring virginity. Women who are very amorous engage in indiscriminate sex but when the time comes to proof their virginity, especially when married in those set-ups that require a lady to be a virgin before getting married, they secure hymen replacement surgery which makes them intact again. Although this is possible, it is very costly.

In many societies, virginity is believed to be the lack of know how on sex. For one to qualify for the title, whether a man or woman, they should be ignorant of sex. These same societies do not look at the different ways through which a lady or man can enjoy sexual fulfillment.

There are those who, due to the personal reasons, shun penetrative sex but engage in other forms of sexual fulfillment, alone or in the company of the opposite sex. For the case of the lady, this leaves the hymen intact.

A good description of virginity should take into account all aspects of sexual enjoyment. I strongly believe that a person who has masturbated, had fellatio who in any way had their private parts touched or touched those of someone else should not be termed a virgin even if the touch did not lead to either of them orgasming.

Virginity is discriminative on that only women can account for its physical presence. Many communities allow men to wander around with women but these same women should be virgins on marriage even when being married by the same men.

If virginity can be described as ignorance to sex or the innocence of any individual, any one who watches blue movies, engages in ‘dirty’ talk or dance, or lusts should not be termed as a virgin. Let us not take it that its only our women who should be virgins or who should wait till marriage or that the lack of hymen means lack of virginity. Virginity is not only the presence of virginity, there is more to it.

To be sure whether one is a virgin or not, consider the following pointers.
• Should virginity only apply girls?
• Is virginity how one views themselves or how the society views it?
• Does rape or molestation erode virginity?
• Is actual penetration the only way to lose virginity
• Are you still a virgin if you engage, willingly, in other intimate acts?
• When do homosexual or bisexuals lose their virginity?
• Is virginity an issue of believe or feelings or both?
• Do emotions count in losing virginity? i.e. if you felt good or not.

A person should try their level best to maintain their virginity until such a time when they feel very ready and when they also feel that the person they are with is the best in their life and that they won’t regret the action later in life. In case of a lady, penetrative sex should be delayed as much as possible, may be until they are ready to marry or into the marriage.

Abstinence is the surety way to avoid regrets in life. Regrets brought about by break-ups, betrayal or diseases that come from engaging in sexual contact. No one ever died from lack of sex or sexual fulfillment.

A Wedding of its Kind

All people had arrived early. It was the day that Joanita and Wairo had chosen for their nuptials and many people had turned up to witness the two lovebirds say, ‘I do!’ Unlike other days, the front seats in the church had filled first and before ten o’clock, there was none empty. Outside the church were erected a number of tents which soon filled too, and many people had to suit themselves standing under trees.
Weather
The weather was fine. The morning sky was clear with the sun not so bright and the trees swaying to the breeze. Due to rains that had been experienced a few days earlier, it was not dusty.
Precisely at eleven o’clock, the bridegroom and his entourage streamed into the church compound in procession of not less than ten cars. Heads turned and ululations filled the air as the party was ushered into the church to take up their places while the groom and his best men stood outside waiting for ‘the lady’. The bride was expected to be late, as it always happens here, but the duration of the wait could not be established.
Apprehension
Different stories are always told of brides who have stood up their men at this late hour and trepidation always fills the groom’s side until the queen of the occasion arrives. The best man could be seen making numerous calls from his mobile phone, which from a distance, one could conclude he was not reaching however he intended.
Before anxiety could set in, the bride’s motorcade arrived. The impeccably dressed bride and her maids stepped out of their cars. Slowly, they were led to join the groom and his best men for procession into the church. The occasion had formerly started.
Neither the joy nor the infectious smile on the groom’s face could be hidden contrary to what the bride exhibited. She looked somber and it was hard to explain the sobriety. Was she anxious leaving her home and people to belong elsewhere? Was she afraid of the responsibilities that lay ahead? Was she afraid that something could go wrong, or was she just afraid she had not made the right decision? No one could tell for sure.
I Do
The priest soon converted two people into one. While Wairo was the first to say, “I do”, Joanita’s “I do” instigated shrieks of joy and thumbing of anything one could reach. The church and its compound were filled with deafening sounds for almost five minutes. They were shortly pronounced husband and wife and after signing the necessary papers, they started marching out, an indication the wedding was over.
Reception
The next stage was eagerly awaited by many, the reception. Staged at the church’s hall, different foods, fruits and drinks were in plenty supply. After a short photo session at the most exciting parts of the church, which are plenty, the dignitaries of the occasion filed into the hall. Food was served. Due to the large number of people, they had to queue for self-service expect those on the high table. Those who did not secure seats ate standing or seated on many of the well mowed church lawns.
By five o’clock, the occasion had come to close and guests were leaving at will. An invitation for an evening party in honour of the newlyweds had been given for those interested. At the main gate, the freelance photographs displayed for sale photos they had taken during the occasion. Although the prices were high, those appearing in them were more than willing to acquire them.
Before long, darkness started setting in as orderlies packed gifts and other stuff to be taken to the new family. Many people could be heard exclaiming at the magnanimity of the occasion. Though many had been held before at this church, this wedding was by far the best witnessed. Joanita and Woira surely made it.